When I'm Gone
by Witty Teacup
Summary: AU. Arthur Kirkland dies in a tragic car collision, leaving his boyfriend Matthew to suffer the guilt of the quarrel they'd had. But what if Arthur isn't really gone? What if Arthur won't leave until his love understands he is not at fault? Maple Tea.


_I felt like I was drowning in a pool of my own insanity the more and more I watched him slip away from me.  
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><p>The night was cold, snow and ice littering the sidewalks and streets of the town. Lights bright and shining, while others flickered and blinked, on their last leg. The radio played softly in the car, the volume just loud enough for one to hear. It played tunes the man inside would rather not have heard, cheery tunes that brought him little comfort with his clouded and angry mind.<p>

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><p><em>They were little things at first: short conversations, less physical contact, less talking, so I honestly didn't think much of them at first. <em>

A fight. They always seemed to be fighting over the silliest things. He'd wondered why he'd been staying out late, every night over and over. He'd wondered why he didn't seem to like his company, and that every little thing he did annoyed him.

Arthur Kirkland couldn't honestly understand the mind of Matthew Williams to any extent recently.

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><p><em>At any rate, I began to notice slowly that he seemed to be shying away from me, that he wanted nothing to do with me at all.<br>_

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><p>Red light. He stopped short, groaning softly as he rested his head on the steering wheel. Arthur really honestly hated this feeling. Even if he knew he wasn't wrong, it would be best to apologize, wouldn't it? After all, he didn't want the relationship to fall apart over something as silly as their petty fight. And with the season and all, it truly wasn't honestly a nice time to be alone. Yes, that's what he'd do. He'd just apologize and be done with the whole mess. That would be a good idea.<p>

But even with that thought in mind, the situation irritated him no less.

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><p><em>I was reckless. It was my own fault I suppose. I started the whole ordeal honestly. Maybe if I had thought things through, I wouldn't have shattered everything.<br>_

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><p>The light changed, and he continued homewards. He'd long since turned off the music, leaving his mind completely alone with his thoughts. Should he even be the one apologizing? Matthew should be the one saying sorry, right? After all, he was the one who'd gone and made him worry that lead to the fight. He was right, wasn't he?<p>

_"Honestly Arthur! Can't I just have some time to myself? What if I just don't __**want **__to tell you what I've been doing? Just leave yourself out of my __**personal**__ life, Arthur! I love you, that I can tell you without a doubt, but please, stop acting like you're my __**mother!**__" _

Arthur scowled at the memoir. How...how dare he claim such a thing? He hadn't asked much, just to know where he was and he just...blew up at him! Subconsciously, he pressed the pedal of the car down in mild annoyance.

"That...that...spoiled..." the Brit struggled to find the right words. He himself was _not_ the one at fault here! He should not apologize. No, he wouldn't! Arthur would not allow himself to try and redeem himself when there was nothing to redeem at all.

"The nerve of that boy...he needs to straighten himself out right he does. Honestly..." he grit his teeth a bit, the more he dwelled on it the angrier he became.

His mind filled up with more hateful things. He kept thinking of all the things he'd say to Matthew when he returned, about how he was thinking and demand an apology.

The next light he came to he ran, speeding past it despite how it was yellow turning red. The Englishman didn't give a damn at the given time.

And the next thing he knew, there was a car that collided right into his door.

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><p><em>I had been so caught up in my thoughts I hadn't cared. The next thing I knew I'd been hit by a car slamming into my door, and something right then told me plain and clear that this wasn't a good situation.<br>_

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><p>There was a crash, and a screeching sound of metal reached his ears. Everything around him seemed to stop, all noise seeming to fade from existence at that precise instant. Something felt warm at his side, and the airbags of the car popped out. He winced, trying to catch his breath. Everything seemed to begin throbbing all at the same time, and he couldn't seem to think straight anymore.<p>

Silence. Pure silence. All cars seemed to stop to stare at the accident. Someone must've called the authorities, their vague sirens blaring in the distance. Arthur's vision started to blur, the warmth spreading throughout his side and staining it a crimson hue. The throbbing began to subside, and he felt light.

He blinked, trying to see straight again when opening his eyes seemed to be too bright. He began to struggle to breathe. Arthur swallowed, and bit his lip.

He'd been a fool. He was such an idiot. Why on earth did he run that stop light? Why was he even speeding to begin with? Look where it had gotten him. Look where he'd ended up. Arthur swore softly under his breath, constantly blinking in attempts to stay awake.

"_Now remember, drive safely, and I'll see you when you get home."_

That memory. That voice in the pit of his mind. He'd gone against those words, huh? Matthew had meant them, hadn't he? He'd said those words every morning, even when they were fighting if he was there.

Arthur laughed bitterly. "Well...I owe you...an apology...don't I, love?"

He smiled melancholically at the image of the Canadian in his mind, and it was then that the notion that he wouldn't see him again crossed his mind.

"I'm sorry, Matthew. Please, please forgive me."

A single tear slipped as the image fleeted from his mind, and faded to black.

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><p><em>Yes. I, Arthur Kirkland, lost my life that day in that accident. As for the other driver who hit me? I'm not sure, nor do I honestly care to. All I cared about was if <em>_**he**__ cared in the slightest. I was, to put it lightly, surprised.  
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><p>Matthew had been at home when the phone rang. He'd been casually flipping through channels, though stopping on none. He did this when he was nervous. The fight kept replaying over and over in his mind, and it made him antsy. He messed up. He messed up <em>big <em>time. He shouldn't have blown up like that. It wasn't right of him.

Matthew let out a soft sigh. He hadn't meant to seem as if he didn't care, he honestly did. He cared a lot for Arthur, and he loved him with all his heart. He'd been silly to try and exclude him from his personal life, because Arthur _was _his personal life.

He put a hand to his forehead, wondering where his sweet was now. He'd been gone an awfully long time, and he'd hate to know if something terrible had happened to him.

It was then that fate played a cruel joke, and the phone rang.

He walked over slowly, and took the phone out of its cradle. He answered it. "Bonjour, hello?"

_"Hello, is this the current residence of Arthur Kirkland?" _

"Yes, I do believe so. But, I'm afraid he isn't here at the current moment, if I could take a message-"

_"Actually, that is what we're calling about…our deepest apologizes young man, Arthur Kirkland got into a terrible accident at the intersection on Main Street, and by the time officials arrived at the scene, it was too late. He had succumbed to impact and blood loss…"_

Matthew felt his heart stop. His blood ran cold, a sudden wave of nausea washing over him. "…What?"

"_Arthur Kirkland died in the collision of another car hitting his side door. He was speeding and ran a red light, and another car pulled out and slammed into it."_

"That's impossible, Arthur never drives recklessly!" Matthew said desperately, trying to force himself to believe it wasn't true. "Never!"

_"I'm sorry, but it was so. Many witnesses saw it happen. We're sorry again for your loss."_

The phone line went dead. It took a few moments, but after a second, the device clattered to the floor, its holder letting go without a struggle. Matthew dropped to his knees, his eyes wide with fear, his hands trembling uncontrollably. Arthur was…dead? No…it couldn't be…! He hadn't…he wouldn't…! Tears began to fill his eyes as reality slapped him hard in the face.

"Arthur…Arthur…! I'm so sorry Arthur…I'm sorry for what…for what I did to you…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…!" he sobbed out, tears streaming down his cheeks as he buried his face in his hands.

He hadn't even apologized for what he'd said. He hadn't apologized for anything at all. How could he be so stupid? He should've gone after him when he stormed out. There were _so _many things he should've done.

And now he couldn't, since he was gone.

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><p><em>Little did he know I heard everything. Little did he know I was sobbing right next to him, imploring him to wipe up his tears and drop his guilt. But he couldn't hear me, and he couldn't see me.<br>_

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><p>Arthur stood there, watching the boy cry his heart out. He watched how he pounded the walls and just seemingly was breaking himself down. How he seemed to be going mad over him. But he couldn't touch him, no; even if he tried it would not work. His touch would not be registered.<p>

"I'm such an idiot…! Arthur…Arthur…!"

Finally Matthew sunk down again, his back against the cold door as he set his head on his knees, his muffled sobs still ringing in the house. Guilt was eating away at him, and Arthur knew where it lead. Despite how it would not matter what he did, the Brit planted himself in front of the Canadian, and as he raised his head, attempted to wipe away his tears.

"Stop crying…please…stop it…" he murmured over and over, hoping, praying he could hear.

Matthew looked straight at him, but at the same time he seemed to be looking through him. The Englishman knew he could not see him, but somehow knew that Matthew felt his presence. The blond wiped away his existing tears, and swallowed heavily.

"…Arthur…?" the boy whispered, looking around the room a bit.

He nodded slowly. "Yes, yes I'm here love, please stop, I'm not angry. I forgive you, if you want my forgiveness you have it."

The Brit brushed his hand over his cheek, being careful to not startle him. He smiled melancholically as he continued to look all around and got to his feet.

"Arthur…are you here? If you're here, I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I was an idiot…I only wanted to…to try and find myself again. I felt like I was depending on you too much and…I didn't want…I didn't want to be a burden. And I thought the only way you'd understand was if I started to shy away…so that you'd see…oh Arthur, what a fool I was! If I had just told you straight out…you'd…you'd be here…!"

Arthur stood up with him, and shook his head. "No love, fate wanted it this way. Fate decided it was my time to go. It was meant to be this way. Matthew, all things happen for a reason, and you will find out why, but in order to learn you must live on. Be strong, for we shall meet again."

His words would hopefully reach his ears someday, if not today. Arthur's smile didn't falter as he pressed his lips to his hand, and pat the Canadian's cheek.

"Live free, be free, and don't ever give up. You will go far in life; you just have to give yourself a chance. You have my forgiveness; you've had it, my sweet. You've had it all along. Dwell on it no longer. I will always love and take care of you, even in this afterlife I will protect the one I love. This is not goodbye, Matthew."

Arthur then stepped back a bit, and his translucent image faded.

Matthew then fell back on his knees, breathless, realizing whatever presence had been there before was gone.

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><p><em>Those words were not in vain, I meant every single one. I will watch him wherever he is, even if he can't see or hear me. Even if he can no longer feel my presence, I will be there. Beyond my life, I will watch him. Not even death will stop me from this task. I will love him even when I'm gone. <em>

_ No matter how much time passes, or how many faces and names I go through, the spirit of Arthur Kirkland will always love any shape of Matthew Williams. _

_ For that, is the way it's meant to be.  
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><p><strong>WE COULD ALL USE MORE MAPLE TEA IN OUR LIVES. IT'S SUCH A FUN PAIRING TO WRITE.<strong>

__**Anyways...I really don't like how I ended this, but I couldn't think of any other way to be honest with you. This story is based off a picture my friend drew, and she wanted a story written to it, and me being me, I offered. She let me obviously :I**

**Really hope she likes it! This was a lot of fun to write despite how long it took me. I probably went a lot more in depth than what she had in mind, but that's always a plus yeah~?**

**Hope you enjoy! Read and review~?**

**-IchigoMelon  
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